Humbug's Blog - Pieterson Free Zone

Humbug's Blog - Pieterson Free Zone

Biblical Floods

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Well, happy 2013 to my reader. How can this year be anything but brilliant? After floods and snow drifts we must be due an epic summer in which the flame haired one will even divest herself of at least two layers. I did go a little stir crazy during the last dump of snow. I briefly considered a cat as a companion, however as they are selfish, happy to trade the occasional cuddle for warmth, food, accommodation and 36” telly I could just as well get a Russian wife off the internet.

I was wondering if we should not have plastic duck racing on the outfield as an annual event, of course if our membership declines anymore that could be all we are left with. The biblical flood crept towards the clubhouse and stopped, gently lapping at the doors. Saint Michael of Walnut could not part the waves and save the garage though Jeff, our local 'Mick Hunt', had raised what kit he could above the waves. The games club switched from driving round Silverstone to synchronised swimming. The mice have left to seek dryer shelter now that the crisps are also more than 3 months out of date and even the moles have sought less soggy worms. I hope this flood will encourage the ducks to visit us again as they used to at tea time, prompting the inevitable tired joke and much tossing of bread.

Just when you though football could not get more absurd, 'Chelsea player kicks ball boy'. What was great about it was the play acting injury by said ball boy just like his heroes. Abramovich should sign him up immediately to give lessons in time wasting, feigning injury and the slow walk to the dug out where I guess he hoped for a quick rub down from the cute Chelsea medic Eva. The air was thick with chickens coming home to roost as Hazard got his marching orders and saw red for the second time in 3 minutes. The irony was too much even for me reading about John McCririck complaining about discrimination (ageism) whilst calling his wife a 'booby'. Is sport dead? You have Azarenka in tennis leaving court for 9 minutes because the pressure was getting too much in her semi final, and Warne not naming himself as captain in case he gets a ban for slow over rate. Douglas Jardine has a lot to answer for. Of course there is always Mr Lance with an arm full of EPO, which I always thought was a 70's rock combo with classical pretentions.

I had to have a skin graft last week. It can't have been the sun down at Hurley. Skin was grafted from a groinal area to the back of my hand. My main concern was not to have short curly hairs there, but I was assured this would not happen, except during a full moon and I got a free tummy tuck. I asked if Phil could join me in theatre, but they said he wasn't sterile, well I know this as I have a 20 year old nephew. The Aussie surgeon signed my hand with 'you Pommie Bastard' in blue stitches.

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